


I Wanna Be Somewhere I Belong (Nevermind How I Got There)

by oneswhonever



Category: Smosh
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety Attacks, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Awkward Sexual Situations, Band Fic, Body Dysphoria, Cheating, Childhood Friends, Commitment, Crisis of Faith, Crushes, Depression, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Existential Crisis, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, House Party, Identity Issues, Infidelity, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Peer Pressure, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, University, a clusterfuck of drama, but the others have plenty of screentime as well, everyone has drama, focuses mostly of shayne/noah and sohincorn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-05 07:52:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneswhonever/pseuds/oneswhonever
Summary: Everyone has their own issues. Some people are better at dealing with them than others. However, most of them have hope that they can make it through, so long as they all stick together. They're all friends here, after all.





	1. Pre-Game

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first time ever writing anything for the Smosh fandom, and as per normal for me, it's going to be angsty as all hell. As you may be able to tell by the tags, some content is pretty heavy, so anything too extreme will be noted before a chapter starts. 
> 
> Get ready for the slow burn fic that nobody asked for!

"I can't thank you enough for getting us this gig, man. This is really gonna get our name out there. I could hug you so hard right now."

"You can thank me by putting on a good show," said Amra Ricketts, checking his appearance in the mirror for what seemed to be the hundredth time. He made the drab, all-black uniform look like the most stylish thing a person could wear, but that could be said for the entirety of his wardrobe. For a bartender, his style of dress was pretty suave. "Raub isn't that keen on letting newbies play this place. I talked you guys up and down so you better play your asses off out there."

 _No pressure at all,_ David Moss thought to himself, bitterly. Playing a gig in a real club was a lot different than playing in Joshua Ovenshire's garage. This is when their sound actually started to matter. It always mattered to David, but sometimes he figured that his fellow band members didn't take it as seriously as he did - that would explain why Josh and Mari were  _late_ to their first real show. He knew they wouldn't flake, he knew they needed this money just as much as he did, but he was quickly losing his faith in them. 

"We wouldn't let you down," said guitarist Matt Sohinki as he tuned his guitar. He was the only other person fully committed to making a living out of this band, David figured. He was an incredibly talented musician, who was currently tuning by ear, which was an incredible feat. David couldn't even strum a few cords without wanting to smash a guitar against the wall. The drums were his passion, and he would stick to those. "Hey man, I'll even give you a cut, yeah? You deserve it for hooking this up."

David sighed, and leaned heavily against his boyfriend - who paused just long enough to give his thigh a quick, supportive squeeze, before returning to his task at hand. "If we even get paid, that is. I'm sure no one is happy that we're missing half the band. I know I'm not."

"Have more faith in them, L-corn," Amra teased, and David flinched. He had been nicknamed Lasercorn throughout the course of high school, props to the sick ink on his back, and it stuck throughout adulthood. People mostly used it to spite him. "Josh is always late and Mari's probably with Anthony."

"Don't even say his name unless you want me to gag," Matt said, finally laying his guitar down on the bench beside him, slinging his arm around David's shoulders and pulling his orange-haired boyfriend close. They usually weren't this affectionate, and David usually wouldn't allow this kind of stuff around friends. However, he was growing increasingly nervous about their current circumstances, and he could really use the comfort. "Ugh. Anthony is the worst. He's an okay guy but hell if he's not a distraction. He was at practice all night last night, distracting Mari even though he knew the show was today. That kid just has no consideration."

David had nothing to say about the romantic relationships his friends were in. His feelings on the subject were quite clear. They had all known Anthony for years, and knew exactly what he was like with past partners. His current status with Mari was no surprise; the two had been eyeballing each other since they were fifteen years old. David almost found it sickening, honestly. He liked Anthony, they had always been friends, but he couldn't stand the way he treated the people in his life. David had trouble with processing his own emotions sometimes, had just as rough as a childhood, but he would never treat Matt the way Anthony had treated his past girlfriends.

He had specific instructions to never pull the same kind of shit with Mari, who had three tough band members ready to fight whoever dared cross her path. He usually maintained good behavior, besides never leaving her side. David found this behavior obsessive and unnecessary, but he kept that opinion (mostly) to himself. 

"Who doesn't?" chimed a new, feminine voice. In came Courtney Miller, with Olivia Sui on her arm - so, nothing new there. The couple took residence on the floor after greeting and hugging Amra. "Are we still bitching about Anthony?"

"No one is bitching," David corrected, slipping out of Matt's arms. When he got to a point where he felt that he was displaying too much affection, he started to feel vulnerable. He was already getting unnerved, and though he ached for a cigarette, he resisted the urge. He wouldn't be able to resist for long, however, and especially as it got closer and closer to seven. He hadn't realized just how late Josh and Mari were until their friends walked in. "We're just stating the facts." He paused for a moment, picking at the skin around his nails nervously as he spoke. "Please tell me one of you has heard from the others. We have thirty-four minutes."

Matt reasoned, "That's plenty of time."

"It's not."

"We haven't," Olivia sighed, laying down across her girlfriend's lap. Instantly, Courtney's hands were threading through her mess of long, black hair. David was surprised that two people could be so comfortable getting that close to one another. "It's not like Mari to be late like this, though. Anthony really holds her up."

"Thank you," David groaned, happy that people shared his opinion. "Matt, can you please tune their stuff? I want to be ready for when they decide to grace us with their presence."

Matt nodded his agreement, standing up to cross the room, where Josh's bass and Mari's guitar were in their respective stands. David thanked his lucky stars that they had come to the venue the previous night practice and stash their instruments. He knew his band mates well enough to know that none of them would have wanted to do it on the actual day of the show. 

"Hey, guys," said another new voice, and David cringed as Anthony came through the door. To his surprise, Mari wasn't attached to his hip - he was alone, and holding a bouquet of pink roses. No matter how much of a distraction Anthony was, David could not deny that he was treating Mari surprisingly well. He brought her food, opened doors for her, and the lot. Anthony was her first proper boyfriend, and to see her being so well taken care of - David guessed he had to cut the older boy at least a little bit of slack. "Mari isn't here?"

Matt paused, cradling Josh's bass, and his eyebrows furrowed together. "No. We haven't seen her all day. We thought she was with you."

"An hour ago she texted me saying she was coming to the venue," said Anthony. He frowned, and set the flowers down on the bench beside David, before slipping his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it. "Yeah. She said you guys were wanting to get in one last practice before you played. I wanted to come here and surprise her. I'll call her."

Anthony slipped out of the room, dialing his girlfriend, and Courtney let out a low whistle. "That's weird. I don't know why Mari would lie to him like that."

"Maybe she's not lying," Olivia suggested, still curled up in the blonde's lap, where Courtney was braiding her hair. David raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't think she'd lie to him. Maybe she just got caught up in traffic."

"Guys!" called yet another new voice, and in came Josh, panting. He looked like he had run a marathon, and was clearly out of breath. David let out a sigh of relief, but it was cut off when he realized that Josh had a big, dark hickey on his neck -  just poking out from the collar of his shirt. "I'm sorry I'm so late. Traffic was such a fucking killer today." He sighed, and eyed the flowers. "I saw Anthony on my way in, he bring those?"

David ignored his question entirely. "Traffic, huh? Seems a lot to me like you were caught up in  _other_ things. You're a mess, man."

Josh frowned, taking his bass from Matt. "I mean...I'm sorry. That was from this morning though, and I ran in here from the parking garage across the street. It's starting to rain. I'll clean up - don't sweat."

"All I can do is sweat," David countered, moving from his spot to go and stand next to his boyfriend. If there was one person that could keep him level-headed in situations such as these, it was Matt. The brunette invited this movement, and reached out to squeeze David's hand. "Josh, take this seriously, please. This is our first chance to put ourselves out there and it needs to go well." He paused, deciding to momentarily put a hold on the scolding. "Please tell me you've heard from Mari. Anthony said that she told him she was on the way but, as you can see, she's not here."

It was Josh's turn to sigh, then. He slung the strap of his bass over his shoulder, and ran a hand through his already messy hair. "No, man. Shit. I haven't seen her since last night. It's not like her to be so late."

Great. Just David's luck that the most important night of his life was turning to shit. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Thanks for staying with me tonight, man, but you really don't have to. If you want to go out with the rest of that lot, I'd understand."

Keith took the couch opposite to the one Noah was perched upon, smiling as he cupped his own mug of hot chocolate. "Hey, what are best friends for? I'm sick of watching Mari and Anthony make out anyways, and half the night would be just that."

"It's their first show, and I feel bad missing it," Noah sighed, but picked up the remote, clicking the television on. He turned the volume down just low enough for it to be background noise, keeping the current program on - a grainy rerun of The Godfather. "I never thought they'd even make it out of the garage, but...they must be pretty good if the get to play The Underground."

"Honestly, it's probably just because of Amra," Keith said, leaning back and kicking his feet up on the coffee table, practically hearing his best friend's cringe. Noah was always very particular about his furniture and the way that his shabby little apartment looked. No matter how shitty the actual complex was, Noah managed to keep the place looking very homey. He lived on his own, but most of the time Keith spent the night - partially because he worried about Noah's health, and partially because he didn't care for being alone at his place. They talked about moving in together, many times, but it had yet to happen, and probably wouldn't until they had more steady income. "You know Matt Raub. He wouldn't let just anyone play that place."

Noah sighed, and stirred his drink slowly, staring into it as the steam rose up into his face and fogged up his glasses. He told Keith that he didn't have much of an appetite on this particular night, which wasn't necessarily a lie. However, his best friend wasn't going to just let him get away with that answer. Noah gave into the hot chocolate eventually, but even the smell of it was making his stomach turn. 

"I just hate feeling like shit all the time," Noah sighed, setting the drink down on the coffee table, in favor of running a hand through his hair. "It's actually getting in the way of doing anything fun with my life. It's the worst."

"Anti-depressants probably wouldn't kill you," Keith remarked, for probably the tenth time that weak. Noah groaned. "I know, I know. Past problems, I get it. I can't imagine they're all  _that_ bad, though."

"Maybe not, but I'm not quite inclined to find out. Start going to the gym with me again. Getting my body back in shape would do wonders, I know it would."

"Uh...have you met me? I don't work out. Ask Shayne to go with you."

Noah's heart skipped a beat at the mention of that sinful name. There were very few things in life that Noah did not share with Keith, and his crush on Shayne Topp was absolutely one of them. He knew Keith would laugh at him. Anyone would. Everyone new Shayne was  _way_ out of Noah's league, so there was really no point in even trying.

Since they were in high school, Shayne had been the subject of Noah's deepest, sexiest fantasies. Back then, it was confusing and scary. Noah didn't know a damn thing about his sexuality back then - all he knew was that he thought girls were pretty, but no shady blowjob in his car compared to the thought of Shayne doing the very same thing to him. It just kind of happened, too. One day Noah had just decided that he found Shayne to be ungodly attractive, and it was all downhill from there.

Noah knew now, several years later, that he was gay. He was out and proud, but that certainly didn't mean he would be making any moves on anybody. He wasn't in the correct frame of mind to have any sort of romantic relationship. Besides that, the only person he could envision himself being in a relationship with was Shayne, who was completely straight. 

It was really unfair that the _one_ person he was attracted to had to be straight. 

"Yeah, maybe," Noah finally murmured, picking up his drink again. He had no intention of consuming it - he just wanted something to tinker with. He stared into the dark liquid as though he would find his answers in the mug. "...Do you think those lot are going to be mad at me for missing the show?"

Keith rolled his eyes. "If they get mad, they'll be mad at me, too. You're sick, Noah. You need to rest."

Noah sighed, and finally took a sip of his drink. It was warm, but not so warm that it would burn his tongue. It was actually a decent temperature at this point, but Noah still had no desire to drink it. He swallowed thickly, before setting the mug down again. He was very aware of Keith's eyes on him as he leaned back on the couch, stretching out his legs. He took hold of the heated blanket that was crumpled up at his feet, and pulled it over his slender frame, taking the remote and turning it on. The constant cold was props to the case of anemia that he had at the moment. If the guys had any inquiries about why he wasn't at the concert, that would be his answer. 

He hated playing the sick card, but he was truly bed-ridden at the moment. The doctors specifically told him to take it easy, and Keith was making sure he did just that. Noah tended to give his best friend a lot of shit for being such a mother hen, but he truly did keep him straight.

"Are you going to spend the night?" Noah asked, his voice just barely above a whisper. He was having a hard time being by himself recently, and Keith's presence was really helping out a lot. He saw his friend nod out of the corner of his eye. "I don't feel like getting up. I think I'm just going to crash out here. You can take my bed if you want it."

Keith got up and walked over towards the light switch, flicking off the lights in the living room and adjoining kitchen. The room now dimly illuminated by the television, he made his way back over to the couch, and laid down on it, pulling his own blanket up to his chest. 

"I'm kinda beat, too," Keith said, stretching his arms out over his head. "Night, man."

As unconsciousness began to take over, Noah realized just how lucky he was to have Keith in his life. 


	3. Chapter 3

_David wished he had been warned about the dangers of falling in love firsthand. There was a part of his brain, a very strong part, that had always assumed it would never happen. His "claim to fame" was that he was pretty much dead behind the eyes, void of any and all emotions. For a very long time, he had all of his friends tricked by his facade - but it was just that. A facade. David wished that he never had any emotions. They were just a hindrance, after all._

_The most prominent emotion he ever felt was anger. Hatred. A strong desire to watch the world burn. He knew nothing other than rage towards whatever being cursed him with his existence. The odds of him being born were so slim...but of course. He was brought up into a horrible world with horrible parents, and he hated whatever spiritual being made this his reality._

_So the first time he ever felt love...he was floored._

_Falling in love with Matt Sohinki was one of the best, yet also one of the absolute **worst** ,things that could have ever happened to him. It was so unexpected. One minute he was taking a drag of a joint in Wesley Johnson's basement, and the next...he was gone. Lost in Matt's eyes as they stared at each other from across the room. He felt queasy as realization hit him like a bunch of bricks, and then Matt smiled, and he was totally gone. He knew, from that exact moment, that there was no turning back. _

_They were in high school, then. It was the very start of senior year, and he was already burning out. If you asked him how exactly he differed from Matt, the answer would be simple: Matt could handle everything in the world. The pressures of the universe were run of the mill. He dealt with a lot after coming out - ridicule at school, of course, but also blatant disapproval from his parents, who based all their decisions off of their fate, and disowned him. That had been a hard night, but of course Josh's parents (the absolute best people in the world) offered him a safe place at the Ovenshire residence. From then on, Matt seemed unbothered about the situation. He carried on; his life carried on. That being said, he was fast-tracking to an early graduation at the time - with all college-level courses. He was unbelievable. David struggled with his normal classes, and hardly bothered showing up to school half the time. He had no aspirations at the time (he wouldn't for a very long time) and couldn't believe that some people had actual drive._

_Matt wasn't smoking that night. He never did, unless he was **really** stressing about something. David always smoked. He didn't care about the consequences, for with the knowledge that he wouldn't be doing jack shit with the weekend anyways, the only thing he had to worry about was facing his parents when he was high. That only made him smoke more ("I need some confidence to even show my face there, Josh. Leave me alone.") So it was safe enough to say that he was higher than the damn sky, fiddling with his car keys and having an honest debate with himself as to whether or not he could even drive, versus knowing that he didn't have much of a choice. He was already going to be in a world of trouble for smoking pot, and being late for curfew would really make the shit hit the fan._

_Matt reached over, and set a hand on top of his, calm as ever. "I can drive you home, if you'd like."_

_For a moment, David couldn't even breathe. Staring Matt right in the eye, his vision ever so slightly distorted, he was at a loss for words. He was torn between asking Matt to come home with him (his parents loved Matt, they had a belief that he was a good influence; they were exactly right, actually), and just kissing him right then and there. Ever since Matt came out of the closet, David found himself the subject of a massive and unsettling sexuality crisis. Until that night, however, he had never considered the prospect of being attracted to one of his guy friends, in any way. He could admit that they were a good looking group of guys, but that didn't necessarily mean that he wanted to date or have sex or even kiss one of them._

_Until his world came crashing down with one little touch, and he realized that he was fucked. If looking at him didn't do it, this did. That one little touch of the hand, and he felt sick to his stomach. He was in love._

_Had he been sober, he probably wouldn't have kissed Matt. Probably. The desire overtook him so suddenly that he almost couldn't control it. Somewhere between all the giggling among their friends, and the low hum of The Killers playing off of Courtney's phone, he could hear a low whistle (Keith, he knew) and then everyone was watching them. David didn't care. Matt didn't care. They kissed anyways._

_"Didn't know you played for this team, L-corn," Olivia chimed when they pulled away, faces flushed. She was hanging halfway off of her girlfriend's lap, a shit-eating grin on her face. "Welcome to the dark side."_

_"I could have guessed," was Noah's input. "You were staring at him all night."_

 

_***_

 

"I hope you have a good excuse," was the first thing out of David's mouth the second their singer flaunted threw the door, Anthony hot on her heels. She looked at him and arched a brow. "For being  _late._ " He took the moment to gesture at Josh as well. "That goes for both of you, actually. Matt and I have been here for  _three hours._ Which, for the record, is when we were supposed to meet. Three hours ago."

"Lay off," said Anthony, and David glared at him.

"Seriously," Mari concurred, retrieving her guitar from its' stand. "I get it that you're pissed, but we sound great, okay? I didn't think practice was all that important."

"What was so _important_?" David countered. "I want an honest answer as to what was so fucking important that you were late. You weren't here. You weren't with any of the others. You claimed you were on the way an  _hour_ ago. But, you neglected to tell  _us_ that, yet told your boyfriend? Your apartment is a ten minute drive from here, tops."

Mari's eyes narrowed. "Am I on trial here, or something?"

"Or something. This is our first show ever. I would have thought you would be, I don't know, taking this seriously?"

"Dude, I'm serious," Anthony chimed in, from his spot sitting cross-legged on one of the couches. Courtney, Olivia, and Amra all looked uncomfortable. Josh seemed to be minding his own business, which was different. "Back off. It's literally none of your business what she does, so shut your mouth. She's here."

Surprisingly, Matt spoke up. "So you're okay with the fact that you were clearly lied to, then?"

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, then. Anthony's mouth snapped shut the second that Matt spoke, and now his eyes were on Mari. He stared at his girlfriend, clearing awaiting some sort of explanation. 

"Who said I was lying?" Mari asked, though rhetorically. "I had some shit to take care of. I do have a life of my own, guys. I'll share it as I choose."

"Mari," Courtney spoke gently, and David couldn't help but to roll his eyes. All the drama at the moment was ridiculous; set to go on stage in less than twenty minutes, arguing with one another was exactly the last thing that they should be doing. However, he also felt angry. He almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Cool it, okay? And all of you," she gestured wildly around the room. "Need to chill out, too. You're on soon, and you should at least get yourselves in order, don't you think?"

Mari sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah. Sorry guys. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and then we'll get set up."

She headed for the staff bathroom, taking her bag with her, but Anthony followed her out, speaking something that sounded like,  _don't even think we're done talking right now._

David wondered when they became a soap opera. He sighed loudly, which Josh mimicked from the seat beside him. "I am so sick of Anthony. He follows her around like a puppy, and, honestly? If he even thinks he has any right in talking to her like that, he's absolutely got another thing coming."

David's eyebrows furrowed together, but he had nothing to say otherwise. He just looked at Matt, who looked back, and smiled. He had a smile that reminded David that, no matter how shitty things seemed, they couldn't be truly all that bad. Mari and Josh were here. They had a gig on soon. He had a supportive boyfriend that he didn't deserve at all. 

Maybe everything was okay, after all.

Maybe Matt's smile tricked him into thinking that was true. 

 

 


End file.
